Friday, January 27, 2017

Dear Mr. Cook: Make a ResistBit ASAP

Dear Mr. Cook:

I don't need a FitBit because I shovel manure all day (seems like) (literally), but what I do need asap is a ResistBit.  If it isn't already in development, it should be.

Here's what I need it to do:

  • Track my protest actions
    • Tell me how close I am to meeting my action goals, how many more actions I need to meet my monthly/weekly/daily quota, etc.
    • Provide action effectiveness feedback (e.g., scored 1-10, with one being an FB comment and 10 saving democracy)
    • Suggest ways to improve every resistance action (e.g., "Next time, coordinate your efforts with local activists...and bring an umbrella.")
  • Organize my resistance contacts network
  • Provide Tinder-like associations among the resistance in my vicinity
  • Alert me to actions taking place in my vicinity 
  • IMPORTANT: The ResistBit needs to be securely encrypted!
  • Track my blood pressure and alert me when I need to stop thinking/reading/talking about politics before I have a stroke. 
    • In the event of a blood-pressure spike, immediately direct me to photos of cute animals and episodes of "Madame Secretary."
    • Alert me if I am drinking/smoking/eating/sleeping excessively. 
      • Organize an intervention if it gets really bad.
    • Put me on support-response lists so I can help my friends and family, too. 
  • Track the petitions I sign, and present new ones in order of priority
  • Track and budget how much I donate to every branch of resistance
    • When I am about to spend money frivolously, remind me that I could be putting that money to better use
    • Prioritize my giving according to immediacy of need
    • Field and respond to phone and email appeals accordingly
  • Provide timely and accurate political news updates 
    • Triage coverage of POTUS to stridently avoid over-exposure 
  • Notify me of commercial interests (restaurants, department stores, etc.) that are non-toxic and Pro-Resistance, so I can give them my money--
    • Likewise, alert me to toxic commercial interests so I don't give them my money
    • Notify me of any toxic investments or credit cards I may have, and show me the easiest way to divest from them
  • Keep up my morale. 
    • Make sure I'm aware of every victory of the resistance everywhere, however small. 
    • Inspire me with music, poetry, and quotes. 
    • Download books I should read and videos I should watch.
    • Remind me to call my friends and tell them I love them.
    • Always be optimistic.
Please hurry. Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Jessica Barmack
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